Hollywood

By Bruna Abrao 

Born in 1972, Hollywood has been all over the United States: Illinois, New York, North Carolina, Alaska, Minneapolis, Washington, Louisiana, Cincinnati, North Dakota. She has also gone to half a dozen European countries and to the Middle East before finally coming to Brazil. With a master’s degree in Fine Arts, she is part of the elite of theater directors. She has worked side by side with legends, including the former director of the most prestigious art college in NY (starts with a J…). In Washington, she received an award for the most promising. And yet, here she is, teaching  upper school students. Wonder why? I can tell you.

When you are a celebrity, people always have their eyes on you, and that makes it hard to hide things. So what Holywood did was to pretend to be an ordinary teacher, and gradually win her students’ trust – something she did very well, I must say. But that charming smile was not enough to convince your ever-reliable Bullseye! Over the course of our thorough investigation, we dug up Ms. Riley’s nefarious past. Or should I say, present.

It was at university in Washington, that she received an intensive training on torturing methods, along with Calculus, makeup tutorials, advanced bagpipes, and ping-pong.

What does Hollywood have to hide, you ask? Well, prepare yourself for the most wicked list one could ever imagine. Putting rice on top of the beans, disconnecting people’s wifi, chewing gum with her mouth wide open, stealing people’s erasers, switching the pairs of people’s socks, putting a red shirt in the middle of white laundry, watching bad movies on other people’s Netflix accounts to mess up their recommended TV shows… All in the name of the almighty IB gods!

Hollywood is a member of the Lake Paranoá cult, whose sole purpose is to make people’s lives miserable in order to please the IB gods. They are extremely dangerous criminals. No wonder the place underneath the stage is called the dungeon, or why some actors are suddenly switched for others on the second day of performances. This is what really happens behind the curtains. Beware.